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the desire of being perfect

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The subtle yet slick temptation is the desire of being perfect and demanding the same from the rest of the family.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to do a good job, but a father edges deeper into danger when doing a good job is not good enough.
Tom Eisenman, in his book temptations men face,  reflects on some of the characteristics common to perfectionists.

Perfectionists tend to think in dichotomous (divided or dividing) categories. 
Everything in life is an either/or proposition. 
  • Either I am perfect or I am worthless.
  • Either I am a “great” father or I am a “bad” father. . .

Perfectionists engage in minimizing and maximizing.
  • They tend to maximize failures and minimize successes. . .
There is this common inability to accept all that went right because the all-consuming focus is on the thing that went wrong. . . 

Perfectionists set unrealistic goals for themselves and others. . . 

Perfectionists struggle with low self-esteem. . . . 
  • . . . When perfectionists evaluate their performance, they are really judging their personal worth.

If you see yourself in this mirror, Eisenman offers some wise advice:

Rethink what it means to be successful.

It might help to remember, for instance, that a .300 hitter in baseball is a very good batter.

But this average means that he gets a hit only three times in every 10 times at bat.

Some of us are trying to hit a home run every time we swing the bat. This is unrealistic. It will drive us crazy.

It will drive our families crazy too! 
  • According to Ephesians 6:4 Paul warned: “fathers, do not exasperate your children”.
  • Exasperate=   to increase the intensity or violence of (disease,pain, feelings, etc.).

The father exasperates  his kids when he expects them to get 10 hits out of 10 tries at bat.

That kind of pressure ends up destroying creativity and true productivity – children become afraid to even step up to the plate.

Fathers have to give themselves AND their children room to FAIL.

Author: Eric

I have been married to my wife Laura since 1995, and live in Austin, Texas with our two children. I have participated in the sport of triathlon and investing for many years.

One thought on “the desire of being perfect

  1. Perfectionism and being in control go hand in hand and until you realize that you are not and do not need to be in control will peace ever come for you or your loved ones…..The burden carrier …Jesus Christ…is the only one that will fill you will the love and security that you are graving. You cannot get it from yourself….your job….you wife….your kids or anyone else. It can only come from a right relationship with the One that created you….He knew you before you were born…He knows the hairs on your head. When he created you He created you in His image….you are perfect in God’s eyes because of Christ’s death and resurrection done for you…

    “Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”…Mattew 11:28

    The mind of man plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps…..Proverbs 16:9
    I know, O LORD, that a man’s life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps..Jeremiah 10:23
    I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you…Plalm 32:8
    There are many plans in a man’s heart, nevertheless the LORD’S counsel–that will stand….Proverbs 19:21